A Constant Visual Feast

Guys: I had to do it. I had to do it. They named John Krasinski, a man molded into a shape best described as “muppet on HGH” by his misguided roles in action projects, the sexiest man of 2024. That’s fucking ridiculous. Count Orlok, in contrast, is a shambling rat-gnawed carcass, but if this year’s events have proven anything, it’s that objectively hideous men nonetheless hold power and allure over vulnerable people; awarding this ghoul his crown isn’t such a stretch.

There’s more to the piece than that; it’s Robert Eggers‘ Nosferatu, and, excepting The Northman, a film I did not get to see in time to cover it, I am always ready to write about his work. But the element of eroticism gave me an avenue for keeping my tongue firmly in my cheek while critiquing sexual magnetism in a story about a blood-drinking fiend, so I did it. I had to. And I had to do it for Men’s Health.